Numb.

Back in early spring, the orphanage told us SJ's case had been filed in court - five months ago. Our caseworker called this morning with gut wrenching news. Our case hasn't even had it's first hearing yet. Basically the case I've been following for the past five months that I thought was ours is not. Upon hearing this, I cried my eyes out in the craft section at Walmart while Ryan rolled duct tape down the aisle and made duct tape towers, blocking the aisle (sorry Walmart shoppers). One of the roadblocks we are facing right now is a hold up in the legal system. There is absolutely nothing anyone can do on our behalf - not our agency, not CARA, not the orphanage, certainly not us. Only GOD can turn this around and our prayer is that he will in some supernatural and miraculous way but this doesn't mean I'm not angry, frustrated, and hurt. Not because I'm being denied what I want but because there's a little girl 9,000 miles away that has been waiting for a family for five years. I know God doesn't want her to grow up without a family and I can't help but wonder why is she still waiting. 

Over the past several days and weeks I've been asking myself, God, anyone who will listen :::::  

Why are we not going to India yet? Why does she have to see the caretakers she loves as parents leave and we can't be there with her to comfort her and just bring her home ? Why must she wait, needing surgery (to fully extend her arm that's been stuck in a right angle position all her life) and not be here where she can receive the best care? Why isn't God answering prayers to bring her home now? We've been faithful to obey, stepping out in faith to adopt (for the second time, from one of the most difficult countries in which to adopt) ...........and still she waits. 

Five years without a family isn't right when we are HERE and we are READY. 

We've asked again and again and and again and still she waits. So many of our friends and family have prayed on her behalf. (And we thank you!) She will be celebrating her fifth birthday in a few weeks without us. In fact, all of her birthdays have been without a family.  I can't imagine how she must feel and how she must wonder why we haven't come yet. I bought her new summer clothes, sandals, PJs and much of it she won't be able to use because summer is ending and well, in about 6 more months she will be much bigger.  

To answer all the whys.. SATAN - that's why. He is the reason children are orphans, he is the reason the judicial system gets clogged up with prideful people, he is the reason children wait needing life altering surgery, he is the reason adoption has become an overly complicated process. The devil comes to steal, kill and destroy and the battle we are fighting is one against him and those that are influenced by his evil ways. While God has a plan for SJ's life, so does Satan and that's what makes my heart sick. I know God will prevail as we fight as hard as we can for this little girl 9,000 miles away. 

BUT

God's word says the battle belongs to Him. Not to me, not to lawyers or judges, not to those caring for the least of these. The battle belongs Him.  I'm trying to let that soak in but it's just really difficult. 


In other news, SJ's bedroom is about 98% complete and if she isn't home soon, I may buy every type of hairbow known to man, in every color of the rainbow, from Amazon.com as you can see in the photo below.  

Yeah, ooops. I hope she likes hair accesssories.