Numb.

Back in early spring, the orphanage told us SJ's case had been filed in court - five months ago. Our caseworker called this morning with gut wrenching news. Our case hasn't even had it's first hearing yet. Basically the case I've been following for the past five months that I thought was ours is not. Upon hearing this, I cried my eyes out in the craft section at Walmart while Ryan rolled duct tape down the aisle and made duct tape towers, blocking the aisle (sorry Walmart shoppers). One of the roadblocks we are facing right now is a hold up in the legal system. There is absolutely nothing anyone can do on our behalf - not our agency, not CARA, not the orphanage, certainly not us. Only GOD can turn this around and our prayer is that he will in some supernatural and miraculous way but this doesn't mean I'm not angry, frustrated, and hurt. Not because I'm being denied what I want but because there's a little girl 9,000 miles away that has been waiting for a family for five years. I know God doesn't want her to grow up without a family and I can't help but wonder why is she still waiting. 

Over the past several days and weeks I've been asking myself, God, anyone who will listen :::::  

Why are we not going to India yet? Why does she have to see the caretakers she loves as parents leave and we can't be there with her to comfort her and just bring her home ? Why must she wait, needing surgery (to fully extend her arm that's been stuck in a right angle position all her life) and not be here where she can receive the best care? Why isn't God answering prayers to bring her home now? We've been faithful to obey, stepping out in faith to adopt (for the second time, from one of the most difficult countries in which to adopt) ...........and still she waits. 

Five years without a family isn't right when we are HERE and we are READY. 

We've asked again and again and and again and still she waits. So many of our friends and family have prayed on her behalf. (And we thank you!) She will be celebrating her fifth birthday in a few weeks without us. In fact, all of her birthdays have been without a family.  I can't imagine how she must feel and how she must wonder why we haven't come yet. I bought her new summer clothes, sandals, PJs and much of it she won't be able to use because summer is ending and well, in about 6 more months she will be much bigger.  

To answer all the whys.. SATAN - that's why. He is the reason children are orphans, he is the reason the judicial system gets clogged up with prideful people, he is the reason children wait needing life altering surgery, he is the reason adoption has become an overly complicated process. The devil comes to steal, kill and destroy and the battle we are fighting is one against him and those that are influenced by his evil ways. While God has a plan for SJ's life, so does Satan and that's what makes my heart sick. I know God will prevail as we fight as hard as we can for this little girl 9,000 miles away. 

BUT

God's word says the battle belongs to Him. Not to me, not to lawyers or judges, not to those caring for the least of these. The battle belongs Him.  I'm trying to let that soak in but it's just really difficult. 


In other news, SJ's bedroom is about 98% complete and if she isn't home soon, I may buy every type of hairbow known to man, in every color of the rainbow, from Amazon.com as you can see in the photo below.  

Yeah, ooops. I hope she likes hair accesssories. 

A God sized goal

We received NOC (No Objection Certificate) in late January and we were excitedly waiting for our case to enter the court system. In March our case was filed and we were hopeful to clear court in April before the courts closed for summer break in May. That didn't happen so we waited through May, which happens to be a busy time of year - end of the school year events, kindergarten graduation for my K kids - so it went by quickly. In late May we were able to FaceTime our sweet girl. Oh my goodness! Talk about falling in love with a kid we've never met, all over again. She appears to be a daddy's girl already which is pretty awesome! SJ asked to see daddy and sadly he wasn't there at the time so she called back the next day. The next morning we were serenaded by our sweet girl and her friends by way of technology. When her pals started blowing kisses to Scott she indignantly said, That's MY dad! I then picked up Nugget, our mini schnauzer, so she could see our dog. Her friends started shouting and cheering. SJ then informed them, That's MY dog! Needless to say she has no problem saying how she feels and how wonderful is it that she's so possessive of us already?! She knows we belong to her and that makes my heart so happy! We can't wait to smother her with lots of love! I'm thinking she won't have any problem telling us when she's had enough. From what we can tell she appears to be self confident, mature and maybe slightly bossy. These are pretty common traits of older kids that have grown up in an orphanage so we are aware bonding and attaching may be a challenge. We know she's been loved since she arrived at her orphanage and we are so thankful for those that have taken great care of her all these years. She's ready to come home though as she tells her caretakers almost daily that she's ready to pack her bags and go to America! I really wish she understood how hard we have worked to make that happen....

We are currently entering our fifth month in court and praying we see the light at the end of the tunnel soon.

(In NC face timing with our daughter!!)

This adoption has taken nearly two years to complete. Two years of paperwork, praying, waiting, wishing, dreaming, more praying, even more paper work, plenty more waiting. Every twist, turn and delay has pointed right back to our girl. We started this adoption with a God sized goal -  all five of us would go to India and come home as a family of six. Since we hope to visit Ryan's birth city and orphanage as well, we wanted Katie and Braden to see where their siblings were born and experience their culture first hand. One day we won't be on this earth anylonger but the little ones will have their older siblings to answer questions about their culture and recall their time in India. We didn't know how a trip like this would be possible but we prayed, saved, fundraised and God made it happen! It still blows my mind that the God of the universe cares about little me and my minuscule problems. He provides in ways that are unimaginable. While he may not answer them how we would like, he hears every single prayer. You see, my husband purchased a cancer policy 19 years ago. Sometimes it pays for things and sometimes it does not. We were blindsided by God's provision. God took something meant for evil, and turned it into something good - oh so good. A total Genesis 50:20 moment! This girl has such an amazing story and we can't wait to share all the details with her! 

Don't you see, you planned evil against me but God used those same plans for my good

Genesis 50:20

When the night is holding onto me

God is holding on

This court process of our adoption has been relentless...

It has drug out over the last five months and it seems to be never-ending. I've been clinging to this song the last few weeks and remembering He is good.

Let the King of my heart be

The

mountain when I

run

The

fountain I drink

from; Oh

He

is my

song

Let the

King of my heart be

The

shadow where I

hide

The

ransom for my

life; oh

He

is my

song

Chorus

You are

good

good,

Oh

You are

good,

good

Oh

Let the

King of my heart be

The

wind inside my

sails

The

anchor in the

waves; Oh

He

is my

song

Let the

King of my heart be

The

fire inside my

veins

And the

echo of my

days; Oh

He

is my

song

Chorus

You're never gonna let

Never gonna let me down

You're never gonna let

Never gonna let me down

You're never gonna let,

Never gonna let me down

You're never gonna let

Never gonna let me down

|2x|

Chorus

You're

never gonna let,

Never gonna let

me down

|4x|

Ending

When the

night is

holding

onto

me

God is

holding

on